HEYY!

sorry ah, lack of updates...
cause COMMON TEST IS COMING!!!
ahh...

okay, i promise i'll be back to blog and change skin after common test!
i cant stand this skin anymore... heh...
maybe i should go and put a SKIN of the day temporary?
haha... see first la huh.

okay, some little updates.
im loving my class more each day...
especially with the 3 other girls who always stick together with me in sch

yep, only me and reena are normal human beings,
the other two are THERMOMETERs.
know why?
they're real too sensitive.
HAHA...

alright. im going off to celebrate uncle's bday soon.
which means,
ive got less time to STUDY.
gone, bio, gone.
haha

i wanna stay stress-free.
but it seems so hard.

Blame no one, but myself .

yep, results are out and i didnt really fair that well.
one A, two Cs, two Ds, and one pathetic E.
parents didnt say anything as usual.
but i felt that little urge to scream out loud,
tear the papers, and bang my head on the wall
so that i can just faint and wake up with everything deleted (:

well, its not becos i feel that i did real badly,
but rather,
i just dont have the force to overcome my dumb inertia
so that i can work harder!
shit me.

yah, you may say.
" you never really study also do so well. "
i could only say im so damn used to last min work.
you never know,
i mug like mad the night before.
my results might really pay off
since its based on the last min work.
but so?

i could have pay attention in lectures like others.
i could have do all my bio tutorials on my own like others.
i could have been revising my work everyday so long as ive time.
but i didnt, i really didnt.
blames no one but myself.

think no more that im a talent.
think no more that im clever.
think no more, im not.

got to mug, got to mug.
but mugging like mad was never my style.

i will try.

Ponder.

after knowing about the news regarding the tsunami attacks in indonesia,
cant help thinking about what life is all about again.
haha, sound so 'philosophical' ...

anyway, i believe in fate...
as in i believe that the day and the way im going to die is predestinated.
erm, is that counted as fate?
and yah, these news really makes me ponder whether
ive been making my life useful
and spending everyday like there's no tomorrow.

obviously im not.
ive been grumbling over every single little thing everyday...
( just like the slight rise in the price of packet lemon tea
in sch from 40 cents to 50cents). haha, sounds so auntie.

yup, and also, go around disliking people like nobody cares.
tell you a fact, the number of ppl i dislike is more than
the number of ppl i like (:
haha, and i guess, i love my stuff and accessories
more than i love human beings.
are you the same as me?
haha...

so, i think it's a real time to change ;
though ive been saying these like for a thousand times.
whether i can do it or not, it's another matter.
so long as ive noted it here, i'll be reminded to change (:
grumble less, share more.
nothing is fair now, but i believe it'll be in the long run.

and i believe that consistent hardwork will definitely pay off, qx. (:
and just hope luck is forever with me since i dont really strive as hard.
then swensen after common test is definitely not a problem for us (:
cheer up, we can do it!

i know what i need in order to do well ;
but i just cant get them (:
i need motivation and the interest.
sad to say, these two factors are inter-linked.
if ive the interest, i'll be motivated. hahs.
nothing or no one can motivates me ;
as much i can.

so, no grumbles.
i chose this path on myself.
even if everything rewinds, guess i'll still make the same decision.
cause im a corward.
not brave enough to choose the course i wanted ):
ive got no passion in biology or rather, science!
haha, i dont even have the courage to confess my passion to others.
how sad.

anyway, im learning to cherish everything!
and im often smiling to the mirror (:
trust me, it does change your mood for the day,
or at least that moment.
haha... and if that doesnt work for you,
dont blame me...
its only bcos ur smile is not as magical as mine!
HAHA! (:

let's learn to Accept whatever comes
and Cherish whatever we've got.
and of course, work for what we want (:

let the music send me to sleep tonight.

is the girl kissing the guy? or hugging instead?
haha, me, reena, ros and qx are debating over it (:
and i think reena and i won! cause we got more votes!
weeuuu (:




here it comes... Carmen and qx...
haha, owe qx quite long le...
nah, this is for you (:
im good. (:(:



cant really fall asleep tonight after a phonecall.
i found a suitable song for my mood now.
Tonight i wanna cry by Kieth Urban.
its not the lyrics but the tune (:
so slow and smoothing lor... haha
i found this song from Willy's friend's blog,
then went to listen...
and ohh, its real nice...
go try listening (:

and i wish...
i can wake up as early as 8, 9 o clock in the morning...
sit on the sofa alone..
and enjoy the hot choco drink...
with a lil' drizzing outside.
(:

goodnight.

New skin .

yep, nothing better to do... decide to change skin (:
i skipped my hw for this, actually.
muhahaha...
no mood to do work... lala
but then, i dont think this skin is nice at all.
too plain, im gonna change it soon.
muhahaha...

anyway, i went back to Toyrus today...
and saw auntie Anna and HILDA.
i really wish to work as a wrapping girl again!
aww, those great all days, with..
hilda, bobin, steven, the zombie singer, and staffs.

haha... im really gonna work this year...
if possible (:

wasnt really in good mood today
cause i felt as though ive wasted a friday night. hais.
ive not done any single homework or revision.
and im gonna miss 3 consecutive weekends!
...


anyway, i took this photo when qiaoxuan is shitting in the toliet.
nice right? whahahaas...

alright, goodnight.

Random thoughts.

when i get high, i tend to regret.
haha... as though ive had some alcohol.
i lost control of my speech and acts.
its not a matter of good or bad ;
but just no longer in the way i want myself to be.
):

and...

yah, i really hate it when people do stuff that really irritate me
not really that much of hating the person.
but myself instead.
i hate the feeling of disliking someone.
and it just makes me dislike myself more.
dislike myself for cant being even the least perfect.

...

ive been coming home late recently ;
walking pass that ulu ulu carkpark alone
and casting my very own shadow behind.
and know what it ive found out from this?

i found out that sometimes ;
what's really chasing after you ,
giving you all the fright,
and what you're afraid of ...
is none other than yourself .
at least, it seems pretty true for me.

...

i yearn for peace.
but i cant define this peace that i want.
haha...

Perhaps ,
its just like sitting in the living room alone
late in the night,
with the lights off
watching dramas (:

or maybe,
strolling slowly with some relaxing music,
in BORDERS, or some great stationary shops (:

hmm... this is best.
sitting by the windows of a cafe ;
on a rainy day
having a hot drink ;
with a notebook on the little table
and start drawing and scribbling on it (:


sad to say,
for all the above mentioned scenrios which i've pictured,
i was with no one but some ulu passerbys.
maybe..
its only when im alone then i found peace.
(:

felt so kinda in my own world today.
wierd (:
but, i must say im ALRIGHT (:
dont worry

im no longer yours, his, hers or whoever's.
let me walk alone.
or maybe with friends.
and definitely ;
you're one of them (:
thanks and sorry for all these and all.

we've came so far together ;
but i left alone .

Like it or not, it has become part of my life .

went all the way to expo for CDAC dinner yesterday (:
quite fun, i think.
let the photos reveal everything lor.
finally have a act cute shot with ziwei...
hahahaha!
and look at hongda that childish look!
oh yah, by the way...
He's wearing a nice shirt...

with the line...haha...
okay... nothing to talk about anymore...
other than HOMEWORK and school again! (:

Completed :
.Pw written Reportt!!
.Maths MI tutorial

yeeeeAA! School's starting late tomorrow! (:(:(:
and... im having BREAKFAST with cheryl and Jiji in the morning! (:

Let go of the Past.

here it comes, the nineth of the month. haha...
i would say ive walked out of everything (:
congrats...

and im gonna spend this day just like any weekends ;

-continue with PW work
-Chem Alkanes Tutorial
-Maths MI tutorial
-Maths test revision

Just some reminders for myself (:
if i can complete all these, i would be super glad already.
and i would award myself by re-watching some videos tml, Weewaa...
completed half of the PW work and half more to go...!
im going off to rest, too tired ...

anway, im having some random thoughts and feelings today...
i wish so badly that the dec holidays can come fast;
so that i can work in Toyrus again. funny right? WORK leh.
also,
ive got this urge to lean on someone's shoulder;
and just cut off all connections/entertainments with people.
haha, RETARD and JIJI are my targets...
bet the Retard wont understand again...
hahaha...
i love cheryl and carmen like nobody does before ;
and much more than what you think it was.

last of all ;
on this 9th of the month ..
i would like to express my greatest love and appreciation to you two.
ive walked through and open myself totally to you girls ...
Cheeerrrs!
and Hurray for Singles! (:

i yearn for more outings and complain sessions with you all.
(:

Drop the Hate.

it isnt as easy as you thought it gonna be.
it isnt as though i want it.
dont really know her.
but i just feel the hate.
or rather, just plain dislike.
i know its biased.
but really'
i just hate the sight of her.
i wish i could forget her and the hatred though.
but i just cant.
if love brings hatred ;
stop the love.
ive done it (:























and with all these childishness and stuff;
i cant help feeling disgusted by myself.
out of control ;
cant help it, cant stop it.
yup, no matter what you say.
or rather;
the more you say;
the worse it gets.
Unreasonable- you may think (:
last of all, again.
if love brings hate ;
drop the love.
im on my way to ever-peace. (:

BAAA!

hais, dead dead dead... i still have so much work to do... haven study bio and haave not complete PW...
cant sleep late tonight cause there's Oral tml and im already sick...
ahh, helppp...
give up on bio?
donnntt wannnttt....
cant keep failing, PTM coming...

anyway, this is the photo i owe qx... haha... very long lo...
sorry ah, lazy to crop nicely, so i just give you this one k?
got time then do nicer one... (:

WANTS

.chat online
.change blogskin
.crop photos
.sleep
.rewatch VCDs

NEEDS
.study BIOLOGY TEST
.do PW
.revise econs ( market failure)
.revise organic chem
.think thru chem energetics qns again
.arrange wksts.

conclusion.
daily decisions can drive you nuts.

SATURDAY!
Outing with Carmen again (:

yup, i went out with jiji (carmen) on saturday again... had fun, real fun... (: we went to marina with her group of church friends who are super friendly... haha...
before that we went for a haircut together! bahahaha... too lazy to give a detailed description... haha, so i shall just let the photos reveal my enjoyment (:

THE SUNSET! (:
who can be so artistic to take this nice snap?
(ans: Peili)

Carmen took this SUPER NICE but looks LONELY photo.
hahaa...

AFTER: the haircut (:
not much diff? haha...

erm, BEFORE the haircut...
i look so wierd! nvm...
shall flash it cause..
carmen looks damn nice here (:

ohh, carmor is giving wierd faces again... haha...

Classic! 2 pigs! haha... REAL UGLY!

but who cares... haha, i dont mind flashing ugly photos as long as it shows how much fun i had (:
haha...

anyway, im gone! haven really study much for my BIO test this thursday!
fail fail fail .... ahhh...
got to continue doing PW tomorrow...
tell me, where can find time from?
Blogging? hahaha...
dont worry laa, i blog real fast nowadays... (:
i shall TRY to go study now... BYES!

I LOVE CARMEN!
's companion (: HAHAHAHA!

If.. one day...

ive suddenly got this question or rather topic in mind that i would like to blog on... kinda sad, but it doesnt mean anything okay? (:
not that im dying, suffering from depression or whatsoever...
just happened to think of this and started pondering (:
hahas (...) !
at least, im not blogging on the routine stuff today...
in all, i would just like make myself cherish everything im having...

one day.. I die...

if one day, i die;
and leave everyone of you behind...
then, would you be....
staring blankly at my photo.. ?
recalling all the lame jokes that have once made you smile..
missing all my cute and yet disgusting actions..
hoping that i can sing so imperfectly or rather funny-ly for you again...
looking thru the whole stacks of photos we've taken...
write and burn a letter for me...
miss all the teasing...
and would you... tear...

and if i really leave you...

Cheryl ..
would probably cry over it for quite sometime...
missing all the funny photo taking sessions we used to enjoy...
wishing that i would be there to tease at her retardness again... ?
pouring every lil' happy and unhappy stuff ... ?
trying so hard to find someone so much like me...
haha...

Carmen ..
would then be getting so un-used without
someone calling her with all the funny funny names...
Jiji.. Mor-er.. Carmor..
Misses the sharing sessions that we always have at the bus stop?
and just like cheryl,
trying so hard to find someone so much like me...

Jason?
probably sit at a corner silently, pondering if i could be back there...
to let him tease at my "fatty-ness" , and have fun together with all
the studying, the drug injections to get high and stuff...
Haha!

Chieng Yang...
definitely remember my lame jokes the most...

Sis,
with no one to quarrel or fight with her...
with no one to talk to and to bombard all her naggies at...

Mum,
probably couldnt get used to the fact that im longer there...
continues to nag loudly to wake me out, force me to take fruits and med. (:

and Willy..
missing me for all my siao-ness, Nehnehpocks, and mean criticisms.
haha...

and if i really die...

i'll miss you all so badly...

cheryl, for all the retardness...
jiji... with her stupid "haas, Erps"
and her extraordinary non-stop burping skills.

family with all the warmth...

willy with all the comfort and high-ness...

and if your name is not mentioned,
it doesnt really mean anything.
cause' i'll definitely miss everyone and every little thing.

but for the ones mentioned;
your faces, your smiles...
are undoubtly the first and the last things which appear in my mind...

and even if i die...
my tagboard would still goes on...
cause no one knows my password to access to my blog and cbox...
(:

not to forget, i'll miss my bed and notebooks so badly...

surely, i'll be leaving with some regrets...
regret that i fail to build up the courage;
to do all the stuff i wish ive done...
the courage;
to express the deepest feelings ive...

and if i die...
read my notebooks...
(:

hey, im still well and alive...
happy-ing around;
so dont think too much yah...