uoyssimi, hehs. (:

been sleeping less than 5 hours, dozing off on the bus and clothed in jeans EVERYDAY.
hahs, but think again, it's better than doing nothing at home (:

you're really too far away...

and since you're not here now ;

heh, everything is misleading, and when even im feeling confused ;
you shant think you understand me.

sounds so rebellious, SOUNDS only. haha...

work work ! :D

went for a so called interview today at woodlands with sis and candy. heh, we are going to start work tomorrow and hopefully it's going to turn out well. the pay is pretty well, and hopefully sufficient to cover some of my greedy expenditure and needs. and of course, to collect some savings for FUTURE ! (: and im glad, glad that this job still allows me to retain some kinda LIFE. hahas... and i guess i would still have time to complete my homework, IF im disiciplined enoogh :X

... and hopefully everything will be alright after the op.

so painful.

looking at the tubes poking in between his ribs, the constant pumping of the machine, and his shivering hands, it's not that hard to imagine the pain he's going through.
he smiled and joked a little, perhaps trying to appear as strong as he can be.

it feels so useless to just stand there, not knowing how to give any comfort simply cause im just so afraid to splutter the wrong words out.
and all that i have done was just to stand there, chatted with him a little, asked him a few questions and watched him complete a sudoku puzzle.
hahs, how guilty.

it's amazing that things can happen so suddenly and sometimes of no reason.
things are getting hard to handle, but there's nothing much more to think of because the consequences are clear.
just got to move on with it positively :)

i agree with your mum, you're a tough guy.

alright i saw this mv at weizhen's blog and find it thought-provoking for me.
and for some reasons, my heart jerked a little.

Pay attention to the "subtittles" at the bottom to get the whole story. and if you dont mind the little trouble, go to weizhen's blog http://gervelle.blogspot.com/ for the explanation of the whole story. im just too lazy to type. hahs... hmm, you can also load the full-screen version of the video to watch from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXGrvLd8RZw .

hmm, comments on this video...

the song isnt really that nice but the story's great.
there's no clear ending cause it ends with a question.
the lyrics is meaningful too... hahs, take a look please? hahs...
here's the link http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/132431ht.htm

sometimes, it's just hard to draw a line between friendship and relationship, isnt it?
then would you take the effort or even the trouble to even try to draw this line clearly and distinctly. what about consequences to pay?
IMAGINE if it's me, i wouldnt want or dare to draw this line. the reason is so simple and practical.
" i cherish you and wouldnt want to lose you, even as a friend. "

hahs, suddenly i got so impacted. but again, it's imagination.
stop imagining, cause imaginations bring about complications.
hey stop it, peili. you've got to stop here.

really hope you all watch it and leave your comments! (:

ros's bday and the bbq (:

happy birthday rosaline ! :D

hope she'll like the present and the mini celebration...

other than that... i look fat in the photos...

ahh... big face!

fight on for the pursuit of a better life! (:

received a nice postcard from carmen today when i joined her for her church bbq.
it's a postcard that curved my lips (:
had fun during the bbq and it's pleased to know that im actually opening up more to new faces and new stuff.

and yah..
i found out that my family is kinda in some sort of financial difficulty?
and ive been racking my brains when the jp toyrus isnt calling me yet.
cant take the torment of waiting, i smsed 3 friends to look for jobs.
heng enough, all of them have got jobs for me. wees...
which means a new chapter is going to start (:
im gonna face it positively.

okay, back to thoughts.
i find people who are rich and not putting this advantage to good use a big BOOBOO.
i mean, i see more cases of rich people splurging like mad and spend their life having fun and destroying future. spending the unneccessary money on extra studies (cause they played their results away) when people who are poorer are having difficulties pursuing further studies ?
im not aiming at anyone. im just feeling kinda heated for the waste of resources and money.
then maybe, it's because im poor that makes me a little more self disciplined.
well, but i dont believe that the poor will become poorer or remain poor in today's society.
but i would say it's harder for the poor to achieve the same standards and qualifications as the rich. especially for the studies which require engagement with overseas universities which definitely cost more.
it's not impossible cause scholarships make it possible. but wells,
a poor has to be a cream of the crop to achieve it whereas the rich just need their wealthy parents' approval.

with just goals and desires really isnt enough.
accept it, money makes such things possible.
break the chain. im gonna get rich one day.
hahas... it's just a dream, it's just a goal. but so what?
at least i dare to dream and pursue.
unlike the booboos who only cling on to their parents for cash.
na boong, the world is unfair. but right, who says it is in the first place.

lets dream or imagine... if your family have the wealth, what will you do?

i'll pursue the studies that i love and not the one that i need.
i need not worry for further studies overseas and i'll go for overseas studies.
i'll not have my mum working so hard all day.
i'll not have to bear with the selfish bloke at home.
i'll go for the ouaps.
i'll have my house beautifully designed.
i'll fill my fridge with healthy organic tibits and snacks.
i'll go for holiday overseas with my family every school holidays.
and of course some other materialistic stuff... come on, im not that perfect and i didnt say im.

okay, i dont know why this entry got so tense.
but really, im just being general though with some tones of anger.

anyway, i'll never let this disadvantage take over my life and my pursues.
and hopefully my sis feels the same too. lets move towards a better life girl!
mum deserves more than what she's having now.
and to cousin yy, lets strive together for i always believe we're a family.

for all the backaches, lonely nights, and the big but empty bed...
you keep me moving, mother.
you're my motivation.
and i dont know why, my heart aches a little.
i need you and imagine me without you...
i'll never be me.

changes

ive changed my blogskin again. hahs...
alright, i dont really dislike changes, and in fact i need changes.
recalling... i remember that ken dislikes changes.
i find it too boring to live a still life without changes.
but well, everyone's different.

okay.. not in a fine mood tonight.
probably affected by the song.
"Half-life by Duncan Sheik"

I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear
before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear
It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends
maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down
lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time of any kind
I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you knowwhen i figure it out
but I don't mind a few mysteriest
hey can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i am missing

had some disputes with mum, hope everything will be fine the next morning.
i think im having difficulties expressing appreciation and love. hahs.
for now, i just wish to close my eyes and fall asleep.

and again, i promise myself that i'll do some homework tomorrow morning.
sigh.

sisters!

im having fun editing photos using Picasa 2 and Paint. BUT...

these still cant satisfy my yearn for more of such fun.

hehs. so...

can anyone tell me where did you all get the tools or programs to do nice photos??

erms, other than adobe photoshop trial?

haha, i know qx's friend, pei er can make good photos.

hehs, qx... help me ask her kay? HAHA!

we're so different yet so similar.

different interests, different goals.

hahs, trust me.

we're unique in our own ways. =D

hehs... so fun.

im crazy, you're not!

neok neok!

i find this photo real nice. =D
do you? hahas...

hehs, this one not so nice... hahas...

hehs... enjoyed !

nah, you're wrong.

random photos.

i think i should blog so here im with some photos.

this was taken when i was a kid. hahs, looks so much like a boy.
hehs, cool.
hehs, wearing jason's spects.
lastly, the card for jason! =D

back from camp

dimissed from camp yesterday and was too tired to blog.
hahs, i would say the camp was enjoyable to a certain extent.
it was fun interacting with some of the campers but at times totally disgusted by some of their words and actions.
there was this chao ah beng and a pampered child who almost make me puke.
luckily, chao ah beng wasnt that bad afterall.
chao ah beng got angered easily by the female campers and threaten to revenge by cutting a scar on her face. then, he went to the public phone to TRY to make a call to his god-bro.
he told me he has a girlfriend. and he said it in chinese this way.
"haiya, i miss my girlfriend. camp end i can go find her. she's very sexy la. we only hold hands and kiss la, never sleep."

yes, he's just PRIMARY 6. i was shocked like mad.

then melwin or dont know who, told me that he asked whether her gf will get pregnant cause he kissed her. HAHS!

what's not so bad was... he actually apologise!!
the second night, during supper, i took a cake and asked him if he want an extra serving.
he was sitting down and i was standing beside.
he looked up at me for 5 seconds, and at that moment i thought he wanted to scold vulgarities again. who knows he actually tapped my shoulder then look down and mumble 'sorry ah'.
waa... i was shocked but happy! HAHAHAS!

anyway, he has a complicated background which i believe is the cause of his arrogant behaviour.
he said that he has a brother who was hanged due to murder crime. his brother was only 18 or 19.

chao ah beng has a nice name, Qing Kai. really hope he will change and become a better person.

not to forget, i enjoyed interacting with this obedient girl, Li Jun.
i borrowed my slippers to her and she was really good to go around to look for me just to return the slippers when i told her earlier that i will go and look for her later.
she cried terribly on the last day when she received the Testimonials thingy.

what wasnt that fun is actually working with people. to be a little more exact, working with exco.
i must say that recognition wasnt given fairly.
well, so long as you know how to appear in front of the teachers at the right time, you got it.
you can sweep the floor for merely 15 mins for just 2 meals and got praised while the other who mopped the floor for 30 mins after almost every meal got nothing at all. and in fact i believe the teachers took it as the latter did nothing at all since she was not seen or spotted.

hell, imagine the food in charge did nothing like contacting the caterer? didnt even know how many vegetarians there were? what time are the food delieverd? and not the one who went to buy the ingredients for sandwich making?
let me further elaborate on what she's good at and what she had done SO WELL.
hmm, when every meal was delivered, her priority was to faster prepare the food for the TEACHERS and have it delieverd personally to them. woww.
next she will use the talkie to interfere in others' important conversation when she knows nothing. here's an example.

i was in the canteen with her. and shahelia passed a message thru the talkie to look for mr tan.

shahelia: " is mr tan in school? "
DIYANA: "he's not "

wow. she got what shit eyes to be able to know this when i was with her all along? HEH?

alright.. then when all the food were prepared, then she realised that the vegetarians didnt have food. hahs, if vegetarians were to rely on her will practically faint.
FOOD COM IC ? hahs.

logistic com who worked so hard didnt get much or in fact any recognition at all.
i must say, hongda, guoliang and miaosi worked very hard in the entire trial and the actual camp. without them this camp really cant happen.
i salute shahelia as well... she's sick and not feeling well yet she did her job so well.
and also yongjun though he's got a pretty bad temper. hahs...
ernie, yaqing and stella were great as well.
well.. actually only one exco who's like erm... not good?
hahas. hopefully everyone agree with me... and if you dont, tell me that ive misunderstood her, please... and i wished i had. at least i wont feel that bad.
overall, i still feel good cause at least hongda sees and knows what ive done. thanks!

lastly...
i enjoyed the camp with companion like MELWIN,STELLA, YAQING, HONGDA, SHAHELIA and ERNIE.
thanks loads!

" hard work will be paid off... you just have to look further."
moreover ive got support from friends...
thanks... =D

New York New York!

hehs, jason is flying on sat and we went out for tea and dinner today!

tea at Secret recipe and dinner at newyork.

omg, i thought i say im going on diet? HAHS!

wee... hahas... had fun, really...

i think everyone enjoyed alot. =D

took loads of nice photos, had good food, everyone smiled and laughed.

YES, everyone. including Jason. soso rare!

hahas... guess his smile makes our day.

hehs.. what a pity, all the photos are still with jason...

anyway... i really dont mean it when i talked about the plane clash clash thingy ah.

how would i bear to let our dear jason die...

no more Ah-ji-pa-la-pa-policy ,

no more dumb chinese mistakes ,

no more teasing.

no life. HAHAs...

so, be back soon and we'll go for sushi tei as promised! =D

hahas... we'll miss you...

really leh...

hahas... okie okie...
enjoy your beijing trip !
im SURE you'll bring good stuff back for us...!
HAHAS!
nah, bring yourself back is good for us.
hmm.. i'll most probably slaughter you, and bake with cheese for the 6 of us to enjoy.
like what you want to do on me today.
=D

Fri-en-ds .

New skin !

hehs, back to original.

i love my skin !
i i do it on my own... wee!
hahas... got this lovely photo from qx...
then since ive got no excuse to use blogskin's skins,
it's really time for me to come up with a new one.
hehs, leave ur comments =D

anyway..
it's time for bed and hopefully...
tomorrow will be a better day!

officially on diet,
peili

Noticeboard done !

finally... ive completed my precious noticeboard. HAHS! cool, nice and original. =D

hahs, as for today...
went out with reeneh and qx to get rosaline's present.
walked around and shopped as well.
enjoyed totally =D

anyway.. i agree with qx, i believe in retribution too...
but sometimes it's hard to control anger. and i thought..
the least hurtful way to release anger was to do it verbally.
maybe i was wrong. but really, i dont mean whatever ive said when i was angry.
then again.. this time i didnt grumble without facts.
thinking of it really irks me.

how much i wish i could appreciate you as much.
to think that i was the one who suffered the least from your realm of mischief,
i was so so wrong.
at times it just feel so great to be by your side,
listening to your grumbles and hear you share.
but whats just so unexpected was to see you becoming a devil the next moment.
tell me im wrong and ive misunderstood, tell me.
as much as i feel glad that we were once friends,
i wish i dont know you at all.
maybe it's time for heart to heart talks,
but im really afraid of the tears that might fall from your eyes.
your beautiful innocent eyes...
and if only you were as innocent.
change, will you?

and i promise i'll change to become a better person. five qx!

the holidays.

alright.. its not that hard for me to actually totally forget about my results... and really. ive totally forgotten bout it till i zipped open my file 2 days ago...
told mother and father bout the results, they gave this 'zhuiok zhuiok' sound as usual and began comparing it with my 2 dearest closest friends.
hahs, its really not hard to realise that im the weakest among us, and perhaps the laziest and slackest.

well. i can blame the environment-the class, the amount of temptations and bla.
but really.. the main problems lies on me. oh pls, change will you.
i wish i could, and i really wish to.
mug? its hard for someone who knock out in an hour or two.
alright, lets just flash the results out.

call it a shame, or whatever. it is bad.

E,E,A for H2 subjects. yes, both sciences got E. gosh, i really cant go anywhere if this continues. wake up girl. its really time to. it's really time to settle down.

this holiday is the time to settle the emo stuff, face the problems, solve them, have some time alone, sort out the stuff in the mind, buck up and move on.

of course, its also time to do some fresh stuff, got more exposed and have a lil' fun.
hee.. went for a 'swim' today with cheryl and carmen. yep, first time for us.
heh, realised that the pool is a good place to chat and just relax.
had fun, enjoyed.

anyway, im listening to old drama songs that ive recalled and heres a nice part...
its from mvp qing ren. listen if you dont mind =D
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/69841ht.htm

and i just want to scream and bid goodbye.
shoo past.

recall

just happened to browse my photobucket and found this photo...
aww.. im just feeling good bout my previous workpiece =D


back then... when the hair's still short, i said i'll never grow it long...
hahs, people do change...
really.

Yet to come.

All this precious moment
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That’s holding me all night
I don’t know how I found you
I am thankful that I have
That I have a love so true
To hold to keep to share
In my heart
I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I’ll always be with you until the very end
In this world
There is no place I’ve never been
You are my life my soul my girl
And through the all I know you come to see
That you are the one till the end (We’ll always be till the end)
All my friends around me
Say you’ll be gone too soon
Baby I’m gona make them see
We’ll find out way back home

then again. it's bad. i know.
and if time rewinds...

nice knowing Ann.

worked at clarke quay as a gamemaster for some sort of Singapore Amazing race :D
it was fun interacting with the angmohs and with my partner, Ann.
she's 36 years old, studied Fashion, and working in that line.
chatted with her almost all the time today, talking about studies, career and future plans.
hehs, so adulty huh. but i really enjoyed it.
the atmosphere was absolutely right for such slow-paced chats.
just imagine the light breeze that keep us cool under the hot sun.
while we rest our backs on this comfortable TCC's struture.
it's pretty motivating as the chat actually diverts me back to focus.
and i realised ive actually lost focus for so so long.
study for the future, or rather the family's future.
the comfortable and very own house, the luxury of all sorts of entertainment, clothings and food.
just these last 2 hurdles.
and really, it all lies in my hand.
and yes, in this present society, you got to be practical.
do whats beneficial and leave your pursues when opportunities come...

hehs, im back on the right path.
thanks Ann.

i want a packet of the Natural unBEARABLES.

yes, i change my blogskin! =D
with not much effort and absolutely no originality.
i just love and miss this grey feel...
cant help falling in love with grey skins. hahas...

the job in toyrus is more or less confirmed.
which means.. my dec holidays is fully packed.
no time for school work. no time for shopping. no time for outings. no time for dates.
HAHAs...
take it positively, at least it feels better than slacking around when the hw are piling up?
=D

im really really going to take extra care on my diet.
it feels like shit to feel fat.

goodbye vacation! :)

not enjoying life.

hehs, im so bored now. so bored so bored. had war with this computer and finally im able to use it to multi-task. chat and blog at the same time.

anyway.. is it true that everyone's enjoying their holidays except me?
everyone seems to be using their holiday happily, usefully, meaningfully.
think it's really time for me to plan my holiday.
everything seems to be troubling me. but i dont know how to solve them.
hahas... just drag on.

i dont like this kind of life. so aimless, so unproductive.
laziness is killing me. save me!


this feeling is weird.

Trial day camp :D

had a long and tiring day...
luckily everything turned out fine and good.
at least i enjoyed the games and the area im in charge of. hahas...
of course, cause im in charge of the food com =D
and for the games... im the one scaring people... hahas!
heh.. i go around scaring people by calling their names in a draggy manner...
and guess what...

me: " di---yaaa---naaaa"
me: "diiiiiii yaaaaaa naaaaaaaaa"
diyana: "whos that? voice so sweet... "

HAHAS! i was like giggling down there. muhahahs!
anyway.. im really beginning to love CSLs.
yes, every CSL who attended the camp today.
YOU'RE REALLY APPRECIATED.
(yes, even the one who i used to dislike)

and... camp really makes me think im a glutton.
i think it's really time for me to cut down on diet.
omg. i ate almost twice of what the malay girls and angeline eat.
are they HUMANS?! hahas... kidding.

and yah.. i really admire Hongda for his attitude. his job scope was like... HELL.
everything also under logistics. and he took it, with complains though.
hahs... but at least he's willing to do it. how tiring.

melwin crapped whole day as usual.
but it feels kinda odd without my carmen around.
hahas... and i didnt reply her sms.
oh by the way, pardon me if im not replying your messages.
if you want the reasons.. ( or rather excuses ) they are...

"im not free at that moment, then i forgot to reply it the next moment when im free"
"im lazy to reply"
"no hands"
"too busy"

hahas... the real reason is... MY BILL IS BURSTING!!
and i dont bear to use my messages on you.
not that you're insignicant, but because i know you would understand. =D
hahas... SORRY!
biased or whatever you called it. i still think it's natural. HAHA!
unless you give me a Million free messages and i can promise you i wont hesitate to reply you.

other than that... Time really flies...
looking thru the photos of Orientation 1 & 2, i really cant believe that one year is gone like this.
seriously, my brain is still as fresh as the one during the after O's period.
yes, fresh and empty. uh-huh, i slacked through and im really panicking now.

in all.. I LOVE CSLs :D

(in case you dont know, CSL refers to Community Service Leaders)

all the best, god!
hehs, i miss the orhh kie cha bo at heeren.
muhahahas. evil.