peace or maybe, loneliness.

it feels as though im going thru some character development programme, or rather a test of my preserverance.

yes, i feel digusted. digusted by their biased behaviour, worn out by their bad attitude. it's not that difficult to have the feeling of giving up, yell back and resign. but think again, this is reality, a matter of time that i have to face it.
so might as well take this so called training now. make myself a tougher person by not giving in to such challenges easily. and this is what i defined as the right attitude. and really, Attitude matters alot.

sighing doesnt solve anything, then might as well face everything with smiles, self encouragement (though it would be self deceiving at times), self motivation with the goal of becoming a better and happier person. fret not, look at the positive side - the final destination definitely benefits.

well, then for the ones who lead without gaining much respect from the members, they ought to suffer from failure one day. hahs, they will be overtaken! ( by people like me, hohos.)
in my point of view larh, no matter how high a position someone maybe holding, he/she has to be able to set a good example, respect others and command respect as well.

but.. it's easy to understand this ideology but definitely not easy to constantly have this mentality in mind. the yearn for the comfortable bed, the urge to rebutt those bossy staffs, the approaching school days are really pushing me to give up. tired is the word that best describe how im feeling now. so much so to the extent that i cant even find any inner peace even in my sleeping hours. work, studies, and emo stuff are always on my mind. they are ever there, even in dreams. tired, but cant fall sleep. hahs..

all that i wish for is perhaps some quietness, some peace, somewhere near to the extreme extent of solo-ness/loneliness. and again, the atmosphere of the rhythmic drizzle, a window side cafe, a cup of hot chocolate or tea, a not-that-thick stack of notes and some stationary. of course, with me being clothed in long sleeves or jacket, and with my mp3 for the all time provision of music flowing peacefully into my ears. and if you realise, there's only me and just me in the whole portrait.

i guess it's normal for everyone to go through this feeling of being trapped when life is getting packed and busy. normal to wish so badly to shout out loud, to go hiding (i mean being alone) for a day or two, to just knock out and sleep more than just a night. or maybe i need more time than others for emotions and thoughts. whatever the case, im gonna stay positive, carry the right attitude and love life... this is then the me that i want to be. PEILI (: