.. a little bit more ..

hmm... ever thought of all the regrets you have in life? er... i've lots of regrets... i regret almost everyday over almost every single little thing... such as, 'sleep or go online?' , 'go out or stay at home?' , 'poly or Jc?' ... that's why i started to hate making decisions... cos' it's ur choice and your responsibility to bear the consequences... there's so many things i hate about life, just like almost any typical teenager... hahs... =D

hmm... i think i really need inner peace... small small decisions can spoil my day and disrupt my thoughts and everything! decisions really make me hate myself... really... making a decision involves so many things... first, i'll have to think of how is my decision going to affect the ppl around me, who are the ones that will be affected and how big will the impact be... due to all these, i always end up making decisions for the sake of others or rather bcos it's the least harm that i'll bring to others... im not trying to say that im noble, cos if you know what it can actually satisfy me, you'll find me a real selfish person... i find making decision for the sake of others is an easy task for me... at least i dont have to bear the conquences of feeling guilty, losing a fren or things like that... i just cant take BIG impacts... =) im no devil, so i dont enjoy hurting ppl and destroying their life... however, after so many things that have occurred in my life, i was enlightened that i can never be so godly... cos' who knows, i might just be hurting others or myself in another way... so, what matters most is to follow your heart, do what you love and what you think is good in the long run... sad to say, i still cant do it... it requires too much courage that i dont have... ahh...

heyy, to be true... i really wish to live a better life... and i really know what it takes to make my life better! =)

i think i need to love myself more... and let others know me better... yeys... it's not easy! and im still trying hard... firstly, i really dont know how to make others know me, understand me and trust me... i cant remember promises and if i've broken the promises i've made, im sorry... i dont do it on purpose, who will? im no devil... sorry cheryl, sorry ken, sorry shurei, sorry sorry... just dont allow me to make any promises ever again k? i cant remember them...

maybe, you will find it so strange... "hey, is this peili who is blogging? hmm, it doesnt seems like the peili that i know leh... " it's like for a moment you're enjoying my companion happily, and the next moment i might seem to be in another world that you dont belong to... dont faint as though you've met a freak with double extreme personalities... i believe it's normal for every human being, it's just like... who can be happy for 24/7 ? hahas...

to my friends, im really sorry... for the promises i've failed to keep... for the bad attitude that i've displayed and for the anger and sacarsm the i've vented on you all (esp CY) ... i must say, im someone who do the bad things first and go regretting and apologising after that... =) at least, i smiled each time im out with you all and i really enjoyed ur companion... thanks loads...

lastly, i hope to love myself more! yeys... though i've been failing lah... hahas... i never see myself as someone special or extraordinary... LOL... im always just a face in the crowd... =) what a negative mentality... hahs! for now, i just want to make every single day of mine beautiful... i'll keep smiling... and take more photos to regain or gain self-confidence... =) i hope i can do it... ! lalas...

well, last of all... Tomorrow will be a better day! and i'll become a better someone...

Smiles! xD